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Review: Hells Pit Tour! Minneapolis!

What up ninjas? So I got to see the Hell's Pit tour in minneapolis, mn. I couldnt get to go to the one in Millwuakee, and i thought it'd be fresher to go to the one in mn rather than chi-town. I am fuckin glad i caught this show, ninjas ... fuck that, if i had missed it idda fuckin killed myself. I feel sorry for all the ninjas who weren't able to go, for whatever reason. But to the ninjas who were lazy and said "well, i'd rather buy a pair of shoes" or "man, im gettin laid instead" or any other dumb-shit-assed excuse, you need to fuckin get your head on straight man, cuz its fuckin HELLS PIT, 12 years in the making, ya get me??? fuck sex, fuck your new pair of shoes, and fuck your lazy ass, im lazy too, but i mad sure i got to at least one of the shows, but for real, i hope icp taped that shit in one of the cities.

Gettin There: It was about a 4 and a half hour drive from Madison, WI and we didnt have too much trouble findin the place, my girl rode bitch, which means she got to look at the map n shit, checkin directions by yourself, in a city, is a bad idea, prolly why i ran like 2 red lights and a stop sign, not cuz i was readin the map, just cuz the fuckin mind dont work the same when you're not used to drivin in big ass cities and tryin to look for certain streets in shit, but fuck that, we got there alright, with no problems whatsoever.

Gettin Food & Multi Cultural SHIT: So we scoped out The Quest first before we went to go eat, just to make sure we knew where it was. Now ... i'm all for multi-cultural cities, and diversity and living together in peace n harmony and all that good shit, its a good thing, dont get me wrong, but when you're in the middle of (what looked like) the ghetto of minneapolis, and you're not familiar with the local eateries ... ALL YOU FUCKING FIND WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING IS TAI FOOD JEWISH FOOD AND OTHER ETHNIC CRAP. Man, i want somethin fuckin cheap n fast, and mcdonalds is your best bet, where do these mother fuckers eat? They prolly DONT EAT, cuz its the ghetto, which got me thinkin, these lil mom n pop grocery stores, hows the delivery guy stock all that shit to the stores? their stuff must run low all the time, but thats comin from a frozen manager, that shit boggles my mind. SO anyways, mad love for the ghetto n ethnic peoples but man .... i just wanted a burger, and i aint payin hard rock cafe to give them a hand job for some food, fuck that. So we didnt eat cuz we had to get to the concert, thats fine tho, cuz hells pit = more important than food!

Standin in Line: some of those mother fuckers were standin out there since like 2pm! And the show didnt start til 5, we were prolly there an hour, we met a couple cool ass ninjas in the line, i was crackin jokes like i always fuckin do, i never give a shit if their funny or not, but everybody else always thinks they are, fuck, i just talk out my ass n shit ends up bein funny i guess, idunno, but ill give you one fuckin story that fuckin is some outer space intergalactic BULLSHIT!

Titties for a $1: So i got mad love for homless ppl, i aint givin them 20 bucks, but ill give em some change, or a dollar, any more than that, and you're just payin that mother fucker to be lazy, you're doin the same with a dollar, but least you aint givin up all your shit.

So this black dude comes up and is like "man, i know i shouldnt be askin ya'll for money, so if ya dont wanna give any, i'll keep walkin, i dont wanna bother you" so i had a dollar in my pocket, this guy didnt look as homless as this other dude who i gave some change to, but hey, man, im givin with that shit, seriously, ill throw some change or a buck or two at a guy beggin, so i reach in, find a dollar, and hand it to em, he shakes our hand, says thanks, and walks off...

Here's the Killer Downer: NOT EVEN FIVE minutes later and this chick walks by with this dude, and he's like "this chick will show her tities for a dollar, she needs a ticket badly" ---- HOLY FUCK, I GAVE MY LAST DOLLAR TO THAT HOMELESS GUY!!!!! I'da easily gave her five, but all i had was 10's and 20's, and i aint payin that much for tities, specially w/o a camera handy =) -- i just hope that homless guy didnt overhear and give her a dollar to see some tities, holy fuck, is that not like some major bullshit, thats some stale ass luck man, the only dollar bill in my pocket, and all my change was in the car, holy shit man, i aint ever forgettin that., NEVER!!! I mean shit, i see tities at the gatherin and online all the time man, i see my girls whenever the fuck i want to, but imma be a p-e-r-v-e-r-t til the day i DIE, i aint ever gonna be "just fine" with not seein some tities i could have scoped out. And anybody who dont know me, i am the most respectable pervert out there, lmao. pervert fo' life foo!

Hells Pit Sucks: Don't let that bold text fool ya, its just the topic of this next thing imma talk about. One of the ninjas who i was chattin with in line, i asked him if he liked hells pit, and then shangrila, i think he basically said he didnt like hells pits beats, and as for shangrila, he didnt like it much either, but listen to this, HE WAS AT THE FUCKIN TOUR!!! I even told him that its fresh to see a ninja still down with the juggalo world, even after they disliked a record, cuz there are ninjas out there who fuckin shave their dreads off, just cuz of some bullshit like that, i mean ninjas'll say "down with the clown til i'm dead in the ground" but later deny bein a juggalo and say "shit happens" or "people change" or "that's childish shit" ppl dont realize what it really means to be a juggalo, they dont know. Fuck the haters and posers who dont know what dedication is.

Gettin in: So they had ppl friskin, this dude does a normal pat down, carresses my butt a bit, made me kind of nervous (not really, but i still dont want nobody touchin my ass), so then it looks like he's gonna let me go, then he pats my inner thighs, then pulls on a crease in my pants with his fingers and tugs on it, its almost like "wanna make sure the right one's there too?" oh shit, it wasnt anything to be pissed or homophobic about, but just kinda funny as shit, fuckin pullin on somebody's crotch crease, what if my penis had been in that crease, that perverted fuck. OH, then somebody was like "you been patted down" and im like "yeh" ... wow, what great security ... they rely on the word of the people who are the ones sneakin the weapons in, thats great!

The Concert: the concert was ... fuckin awesome, the juggalos in bigger cities are always so much fresher than madison juggalos, madison juggalos are kinda BLEH, not to say they aint fresh, but they definitly dont have that energy and love that bigger city juggalos have.

Esham Set: Esham's set was fuckin short as hell, probably about 5 minutes or so, stale. But he did play a bunch of old shit, prolly 75%, he even did kill the fetus, i think he gained some weight too, the flannel shirt he was wearin made him look beigger, but his face dfinitly was showin some fatness, not that it matters, just wonderin if he stopped carin or havin troubles. Eshams the shit, mad mad mad skills.

Anybody Killa: Anybody killa is always fresh, and he always brings it, but he needs more cds out, cuz those songs off the 2 cds gets repetative, but he turns it out like a french whores butthole, everybody was feelin him, the background was a school backdrop, chalk board shelf of books, all on a drop cloth of course.Idunno, hard to give a fresh review of somethin you gotta be there to hear.

Mack 10: I leaned over to my gf before the set started, and was like "just as long as he doesnt bring out a bunch of hype men" (refering to karupt, this years gotj) and he comes out with like 4 hype men, i was like *shakes head*, but he was fresh, his hype men didnt act like stupid niggas (ya know, all like whut, whut, yeh yeh, bling bling, look at mack 10) they just backed him up like hype men are supposed to, and did some back rap vocals. Mack 10 really worked "juggalos" into the show, meaning he took account of our world, and kinda switched things around to make it easier on us. He welcomed us "what up juggalos" etc. And he also changed the lyric chorus on his chicken hawk song (dating back to 95 or 96?) to chicken hutnin, which was fresh, icp and him should do some sort of collab on a new chicken huntin song, that'd be fresh.

He also brought a couple juggalos on stage to do the sea walk, or whatever skills they had, the first one did pretty well, 2nd one, idunno, but thats still fresh they got up on stage, then they got to jump into the crowd. Mack 10 definitly brought it, and they claim to do one extra song since it was the last night of the tour.

Insane Clown Posse: I dont even have to say icp's set was fresh, because it was, and you fucking know that already. You have to, i mean its fuckin icp, right? They played all the wicked songs, which is fresh ... obviously they had to, since its hells pit, but they played the favorites n all that, cept only stale shit is they didnt do basehead attack, i mean what the fucks with that? But the crowd was fuckin wild as hell, as always. I was up front for a while until i couldnt breath, lol, i tried holdin the crowd by myself, but that wasnt workin for long... my gf signaled to me that she's goin out, which was good, cuz i wanted out too, i didnt get sprayed with faygo, but i dont care, my gf is short as fuckin, 4'9" or somethin like that, so its hard for her to see when she's in the middle of the crowd. I lifted her up a few times so she could see.

VIOLENT J FUCKIN SHAVED HIS HEAD MAN!!! So did shaggy, but he's done it before, and had it like that for a while, but i dont think i've ever seen a pic of j with his head shaved, maybe i just haven't looked hard enough ... but it was fresh, they prolly just did that to give the concert a different feel, kinda like how they changed their paint colors during shangrila, thats obvious information, lol, but whatever i dont care. They had some fake animal heads on stakes they were holdin around on stage, also a human head on the mike stand, flames in the background, lookin like what? ... yeh .. HELLS PIT! DURR!!! Also had lil demon guys dancin around on stage. I wonder if any ninjas actually go "what if there is actually a hell, and we're all gonna burn" I mean, ppl will believe in the earth spawning from one atom exploding, but wont believe theres anything beyond what we can see. I aint a bible thumper tryin to convert anybody, i dont even have a religion, but I believe in "GoD" and im goin to shangraleezy when i die, and not hells pit. (refering to heaven and hell, not conforming to the idea and story of the dark carnival).

Anyways, it was one of the freshest concerts i have been to, other than the gathering, but man, they really did great on their lyrics too, they usually shluff off sometimes, accenting the wrong syllables, lol, but they really hit it dead on this time. So, we left (we decided not to go to the afterparty, we were tired n hungry, lol), we ate some food at denny's, got a hotel, got our freak on, then got our sleep on! And thats the story, the review, if it was boring, go write your own and read it over while having sex with 4 dead hookers, maybe you'll find it interesting. — MCL

Keith (AkA DilutedLife)

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