|Violent J's Weekly Freekly — 2002, December, 23rd|
A fresh feature of flavor here on the new insaneclownposse.com. Weekly Freekly is a weekly look from the inside as seen through the eyes of Violent J.
First off, let me apologize for slackin' in my ways. I know this is supposed to be a "Weekly Freekly", but my flavor has been kind of fuckin' floppin'. It's turned out to be more like a "Yearly Queerly" with my slackin' ass. But listen, it ain't my fuckin' fault man. We've been madly fuckin' busy. What could I do? Ever since November 5th, has come and gone the Diamond Rain in my life has turned into a Diamond Hurricane of fuckin freshly fresh ness! We dropped the fattest, freshest, dopest shit in the entire stratosphere and it even knocked planets out of orbit, let alone knocked me off schedule a bit. That's just one of the 17 reasons I've been mad busy.
I am happy, happy like Happy Walters. Shaggy's happy, were both slaphappy, ass, stupid over the Juggalo World right now. The Juggalo world is steady snowballing right now and getting bigger and better as we speak. Our dreams are coming true right neezy!
Let me just tell you some dopeness off the subject first. Yesterday when I woke up, I had to get up extra, extra early for a doctor's appointment. (My hand is still fucked in the game yall). I pulled my ass outta bed at 7:15am like a pimp. The last time I was up that early I was coming in the house, not getting ready to leave that bitch. Anyway, I jumped into my freezing ass car and drove my half-asleep ass out there. I waited about an hour in the waiting room for my turn but then the fuckin' lady suddenly called me up and told me that the doctor said that he wouldn't see me because I had lost all my ID and all my Insurance card shit (some stupid bitch housed my shit off the bus last week). So they sent my ass right back home. I was so fuckin' pissed I wanted to head butt that fuckin' doctor and then wheel his ass into the back for some medical treatment myself.
15 Minutes later, right when I got home, my homie called and told me that my tires got plucked off my car last night in front of his house. Fresh. The thugs left my black caddy stripped and sittin' on blocks. Fresh. Then, we found out that Steve O, couldn't do the tour like we had hoped. We were going to try and bring him on the Shangri La Tour (He's one of the stars of Jackass. He's been doing his own shows lately and we invited him to come and do some show together with us. We figured that would have been some different flavor for yall Juggahomies). Anyhoot, one thing after another sucked all fuckin' day long yesterday, and last night? I said last night... even though my day sucked all day long, when I went to bed last night… MY SHINE was so bright; my dogs couldn't even sleep. I was still all right. AINT NOBODY GONNA STOP MY SHINE. I went to bed a happy fuckin' fruity fuck.
How are your days these days? If they suck, then fuckin' change that shit. If you've got somebody on your back about some shit, just run them backwards into the turnbuckles and knock them off you. Or flip them off over your shoulder Steven Segal style. Do something about it you fuck, don't just fade off and tap out. Change whatever is bringing you down, unless it's a super hot chick bringing your face down to her neden for some cotton candy.
Listen, if you're a Juggalo and you need some Holiday cheer, I'mma do you up. How's that sound fucker face? Ready? Here's what I'mma do for your ass. Because it's the holidays in this bitch, I'mma give all yall the SWEEEEEEET 17. That's right. Before I tell you what that is, I'll tell you why I call it the "SWEEEEEEET 17". Because many, many moons ago, about 9 years ago to be exact, me Alex and Joey were out promoting for our first album, Carnival Of Carnage. We had just got some new posters in, so we were out dropping them off at some Detroit area record stores. We all walked into this one record store and Alex showed the guy our new posters and the guy looked at them, his eyes got real wide and he suddenly yelled "SWEEEEEEET!" just like that. So, there for, in honor of that guy, wherever he is now in this world, we're going to call these 17 fresh ass news bits of good Juggalo news the "SWEEEEEEET 17".
Ok, here we go. 17 pieces of fresh news for you the Juggalos. Some of these will make you happy and some probably wont do anything for you. But just know that the ones that don't do anything for you are probably making some other Juggalos some place else happy as hell. So just KNOW that each of the following 17 news flashes are making some Juggalos someplace happy so our job is a success. All of these news items are pretty much confirmed and solid too, BYATCH. Unless something OUTSIDE of OUR control fucks this shit up, all 17 of the following are going down.
1. Anybody Killa will be performing his own, full set on all of the dates for the upcoming 75 stop Shangri La tour. With his own fresh stage set up and all of that. Anybody Killa is about to jump into the G.A.M.E like a true Hatchet Warrior. That's my homie loc.
2. We are shooting the prequel to Big Money Hustlas, entitled "Big Money Rustlas". It's A funny ass Juggalo western that will be filmed this September in California. I play a gambling tycoon named "Big Baby Chips" and Shaggy plays a sheriff named Sugar Wolf. Twiztid is my sidekicks Dusty Poot and Raw Stank. Jump Steady will play Hack Benjamin again as he returns as... the same exact Hack Benjamin somehow. And this time ABK, Legs Diamond, Blaze, Esham and more join the new cast. I Know that September seems far away buy this time it wont take no fuckin 2 years or even a year to come out with after we film it. This time were using all our Juggalo homies to act in it including YOU JUGGALOS (more on that at a later date) instead of just using strictly SAG members like last time. SAG is an actors union, which basically makes things hard on our bootlegish style Psychopathic Films. So this time were doing it without them, all by ourselves style. And this time without the corporate helpings of Polygram or any of that shit. THEY were the reason it took so long to come out with it last time. All that legal bullshit is the fuckin' hold ups. Well this time, we don't need their money to help us fund the film. SO this time we ain't using that shit. This time, these days were doing it with a California based, fresh ass Juggalo style company called Sota FX. They are our new partners and our new homies. Their company is just like Psychopathic in so many ways. They started it up all by themselves, and schooled it out in Cali. Sota FX is independent, wild and fresh just like us. They do everything themselves and they ain't part of no major film corporation giving them rules and regulations to fuckin' follow. They make all kinds of fresh ass horror and novelty style movies, funny crazy movies and shit like that already, which is perfect for us. They also do other shit for us like they make our stage sets... They film our JCW's, and shit. More on them later though, the point is that they are gonna be who shoots our new movie. There setting it all up right now as we speak or I should say as you read.
3. Rumor has it that in March 2003 Blaze Ya Dead Homie will be touring across this byatch double headliner style with 2 Pac's legendary side-kicks, The Outlaws. What even the Outlaws probably dont realize however is the power of the JUGGALO UNDAREALM (underground realm of magic). I'm sure the Outlaws have seen it all riding with the Legendary 2 Pac all them years. They must have seen it all, but not THIS ALL, I doubt they've seen the Juggalo side of things yet. Well they're about to. I KNOW THE JUGGALOS will be out in full effect to see Blaze Ya Dead Homie do his OWN THANG JUGGALO STEEZE STYLE. And just so yall know, Blaze My Very Much Alive homie, is hard at work with Mike P, Twiztid, Fritz The Cat and yours truly working on his new, full length album on Psychopathic so dont trip.
4. J.C.W. Volume 3 is done! The footage is amazing! AMAZING! This bad boy contains only the very freshest matches from last year's Gathering. This fat ass home Video/DVD is set to be released EARLY 2003. We now have a new BIGGER and WIDER RANGED distribution company (Red Distribution) putting all the Psychopathic shit out, the only problem is, it always takes them forever. But within a couple weeks well have JCW Volume 3's official release date. Juggalos: I gotta talk to you. Man, don't sleep on this shit yall. Don't sleep on the Juggalo world we've got started. It's getting for real now; it really is getting fun, exclusive and fresh as fuck. There really is starting to be a world's worth of shit for us to do together from now on, all the time. Even J.C.W. lives on just when fools thought we were done with wrestling. Shhhhhhhhhit, not any more. Too many Juggalos love it, like us! And Vol. 3 is by far the funniest one in our eyeballs.
5. Lovers of old school party raps with fat bootie bitches everywhere…. Lovers of fat ass Miami 808 bass… And lovers of hardcore ass mother fuckin' sex rhymes... I have the best news ever for you... First I ask you this, who is the master of all three? Miami's own, 2 Live Crew, that's who. And yup, the original 2 Live Crew will also be Joining ICP and Anybody Killa on 72 of the 75 dates (missing the first 3) on the massive Shangri La tour. WHUT!
6. We (ICP) are somehow actually going to do a song with 90's pop music, super teeny star, and very much fuckable, lil' hotty ass, Debbie Gibson. Why? Why not bitch, we can do what ever the FUCK we want. Plus we're doing it for the Howard Stern show, OUR HOMIES. Only now lil' Debbie is a fully-grown bitch, with fat titties and a smackable ass piece (excuse my perversions). It's gonna be the shit, cause we're gonna shine all over that shit and make Debbie Gibson sound like a diamond queen on mescaline.
7. My fuckin' fresh ass Violent J Autobiography book "Behind the Paint" is finally coming out, no lie, at the 2003 Gathering of the Juggalos in JULY. It's loooooong as hell too. It chronicles my story from out the neden right up until The Diamond Rain Tour started a few weeks ago. It's for anybody who has ever wondered what it really, truly has been like for ICP behind the paint, and has a good enough attention span to read that bitch. It tells the Whole fuckin truth and nothing but the truth about Insane Clown Posse's secretes and all that hoopla. It's pretty fuckin' funny too. Don't expect any proper grammar either. The whole thing is written just like this shit here... Fuckin Juggalo Thuggalo Fresh.
8. This coming August, 2003, when it's hot as hell, boring as fuck, and lame as shit… WHAP! Somebody smacks a chair upside your face and then stomps a barbed wired bat across your ball pouch! Why? Because J.C.W. is bizzak Jizzack! Not just another video either, I'm talkin' RIGHT UPSIDE YOUR HEAD! Another U.S. J.C.W. tour is on the way this summer, featuring The Rude Boy, Mad Man Pondo, Evil Dead, Sabu, Vampiro and all kinds of other jobbers, slobbers and knob bobbers. I'm just kidding, there not knob bobbers. All I'm saying is "fuck them and there wrestling skills" because the upcoming JCW tour also features an improved Violent J and Shaggy 2 Fresh complete with new fantastically unreal moves and crippling ninja holds for your viewing and heckling pleasures. Just get the upcoming JCW Vol. 3 and you'll hear all about the Tizzore and who's taking on who on that bitch. Also, if you're a professional wrestler and you're interested in possibly getting on the tour, just pick up the phone and call this number ( ). Notice how there is no number there? That's because you're supposed to fill in the number. Who's number you ask? Somebody you know that might actually give a fuck that you wanna get on our tour, because we sure as hell don't! HAAAHAHAHAAA! Jobber! Anyway, the new JCW tour is in honor of Psychopathic's new RE-LAUNCH JCW STRATIGY, which also includes the new Video/DVD and the new video game… Oops! Well fuck it now.
9. NEW J.C.W. VIDEO GAME FOR PLAY STATION 2! It's called "Backyard Wrestling" and it features many stars of J.C.W. including Evil Dead, Rudy Boy, Mad Fuck Pondo, Vampiro, Sabu, Monoxide and Jamie Madrox as well as me and Shaggy. The game is super ruthless style and all the music in the video game is supplied by the Hatchet Family. GET THAT SHIT EVERRRYWHERE THIS SUMMER.
10. Zug Izland is ready to finally do that shit. They have been locked away preparing their massive assault on the Rock & Roll industry Juggalo style. There devastatingly fresh ass, debut album "Cracked Tiles" is finally coming out January 28th, 2003. But I got that bitch right mother fuckin' now. That fuckin' shit is crazy dope. It's so fuckin' good; I love it. Fuck that. THAT BITCH IS DOPE. AND JUGGALOS!!! They also have there own FAT ASS TOUR coming right up starting this fuckin' January. They will hit the road with some band called KINGS X. Kings X has a good, long time underground following and they do pretty good I guess, so that's cool that they asked Zug to join them on a once off across this Juggalo Nation. The tour WILL be coming near you, and that just means one thing. It's raining diamonds. Look at all the fresh ass shit that's going on man. It used to be harder to be a Juggalo. There used to only be two or three Juggalo events a year in your city. Only 2 or 3 reasons for us all to get together. Not anymore. We can get together and put it down at the Blaze/Outlaws show, and at Zug Island / Kings X show, and again at Twiztid / Bone Thugs, and then again at ICP, ABK and 2 Live Crew, once again at JCW, and it's ON AND ON. Its gonna be fun to be us ninjas.
11. This upcoming April, all Juggalos will be VERY geeked to hear that ANYBODY KILLAS, debut, full-length album entitled "Hatchet Warrior" will be out. We should have its official release date within' a week or so. The album features a guest appearance by my personal homie and somebody who is the absolute shit to ALL of us in the Hatchet Fam, the one and only "Paris". He came in and ripped his verse so tight, that I turned around, walked home, took a month off and re-thought my whole life. ABK's album also features the whole Hatchet Family on that sweet, sweet, SWEEEEEEET daddy.
12. Matt the Warrior is headed to the moon. Well, not exactly the moon, but it might as well be, to him and his crew. THEY'RE HEADED TO EUROPE. Not for a week, not for a month, but for a griiip. He's heading a team that's going to a foreign land to plant the Hatchet Man flag. Were sick of letting our country's political boundary lines separate us Juggalos from each other. We're headed over there! We really, very truly, seriously, actually are opening up PSYCHOPATHIC EUROPE yall. And that's no lie. Tell Kerrrang or something because yo, we're moving to your BLOCK. Somebody better send them an Email. We're your new GHETTO NEIGHBORS! Were coming to Europe for good. Were opening a European branch of Psychopathic Records! We plan on doing much major shit over that way Hatchet style. We figure we did it here by ourselves, so we can do it there too. We love yall Europe, just save your crumpets for Matt and them.
13. To prove we love you guys too, were coming over there this MAY BITCH. ICP IS HEADED BACK TO EUROPE TO TOUR FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 5 YEARS THIS MAY! Were gonna do in-stores, concerts, fuck hoes, meet and greets, fuck nedens, and do press. Its our first time over there in 5 years, mostly because we've refused to go back since then. I'll tell you why… In the U.S. we have always done EVERYTHING ourselves here at Psychopathic from our start, but when we went over there for Island Records, it was all handled for us and we never had no idea what the hell was ever going on. We felt like puppets. Not even that, more like Fuckets. Yeah, we felt like Fuckets, but now that Psychopathic Europe is jumpin' off, it's time to do that thang. AUSTRALLIA TOO, WHAT! AND EVEN SOME JAPAN TOO MOTHER FUCKER. When you ask? ALL THIS CRAZY ASS SUMMER. THIS FUCKIN' MAY & JUNE, WHAT. YOU THINK I'M LYING? Say I'm lying when your eye is swelled shut from a 2 Liter of Faygo that rocketed into your face after I kicked it from the stage right THERE IN YOUR LIL CRUMPET BAKING VILLAGE.
14. My fuckin' road dogs Twiztid is touring with Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Holy fuck yall. This is bigger than anything going on because ALL Juggalos are going to come out and represent this shit fo sho. And that's just gonna show the world how in effect we really are. When Krazy Bone toured with us back in 99 on the Amazing Jeckel Brothers, it was so off the fuckin' hook. One time in St Louis, Krazy was on stage doing his show and me and Shaggy were back stage watching the show. We were hype as hell. Then once he broke into his cover of the N.W.A. classic "Fuck The Police", we couldn't even take it anymore and we suddenly ran up, grabbed some spare mics and ran out on stage and did the song with his ass. It was totally out of nowhere too, that was the shit. Them guys are the shit, and even more importantly, your killas Twiztid has got a lot in store for your asses. I know, I been peepin in the studio whenever I can. Them boys got something coming that don't nobody expect something major. Twiztid is about to do THAT THANG JUGGALONIOUSLY!
15. I'm finally releasing a solo Violent J EP. But it might not be exactly what yall want right now, but the fact is, its still gonna be the shit. The whole EP is going to be only one song. One long ass, funny ass, song actually. Its going to be a brand new, redone, 30 minute version of ICP's old school classic from Carnival Of Carnage "Wizard Of The Hood". In the new, devastatingly fresh 2003 version Shaggy is going to play the Lion. Jamie Madrox is going to be the Scarecrow. And Monoxide is going to be the Tin Man. This record is going to be very different because it's going to be a theme record. One long ass story. It's a whole fresh story song with a full paged comic booklet that you can flip threw and read along while you listen to the CD. Its crazy funny shit. Its something brand new and its going to end up becoming another fresh lil' collectible item of flavor. Look for it at the gathering.
16. This coming late January, it's here. Your favorite tittie footage will arrive on DVD and video. JUGGALETTES GONE WICKED!!! Tons of titties, literally. Tons of titties. It's raining nipples on that piece. Rude Boy not only shows you thousands of titties, but millions. Almost too many titties. Some titties are fat, some are skinny, some crooked, some flat and wide, some long and tube like, whatever your fetish, Rudy boy gives you it all. I will tell you this; my dick piece enjoyed the footage and even gave it a standing ovation. The Juggalettes were the bomb diggity for coming out and swinging their titties for us. MUCH FUCKIN' LOVE TO THEM. Rudy also includes, for your viewing eyeballs, lots of footage of us, Esham and ABK live in concert from the Diamonds Raining Tour. There is also some hella reasons for you and your homies to throw shit at the screen as well. Nipples with warts... Nipples on fire… Simies nipples, you name it.
17. The last bit of flavor I have for you all is simply this… We'll be doing lots and lots of fresh little after parties on the upcoming tour if yall wanna come hang. Keep checking for them to be popping up as we go. You never know what the hell you'll see at them crazy ass, last minute after party gigs.
But more important than ALL OF THAT, right now, it's the Holidizzos. Just get some fuckin eggnog and kick ya athlete's feet up. Have a merry, happy Christmas. Happy Hannakah, Jehovah's Witness, Buddist, whatever. Much Juggalo love to all yall ninjas. For now, until next week (yeah right) I'm out like Hack Benjamin's headpiece in Big Money Hustlas.