RHODE ISLAND’S REAL HOUSE OF HORRORS
Man, what the fuck happened? That was some fuckin’ unbelievably stale shit that happened in Rhode Island. What the fuck man? 100 ninjas dead? Holy fuck y'all. Fuckin’ Great White and there fuckin’ wolf rock sparklers. Wolf rock bands always gotta have the fuckin’ Goldberg Sparks goin’ off during their fuckin’ shows. What the fuck’s up with them fuckin’ fags? They just came to town and torched their fuckin’ fans and bolted. What the fuck went wrong over there? Man, if that happened to us, I’d be flat out destroyed… as a musician, an entertainer, and as a man. I would emotionally shut down. I wouldn’t even be able to walk. I’d be a vegetable. Just in shock with staleness. Brain dead. Why even talk about this staleness your wondering? Because them dead people didn’t deserve it. An explanation? What the fuck. The Rude Boy, my homie loves 80’s wolf rock. Every time, Poison, Ratt, fuckin’ Warrant, or any of them fuckin bands comes to Detroit, Rudy and his cousin Andrew are always there drunk screamin' Whooooo! It’s just what he likes to do. Same thing with them 100 dead ninjas in Rhode Island. Shaggy put it to me like this, “Man that was prolly like 100 dead Rudys.” That’s when it hit me. Man that shit really, really fuckin sucks. Because it was like 100 Rudys. Each one of them dead people was somebody mad special to somebody else just like Rudy is to us. Them were just people that liked 80’s wolf rock Rudy style and wanted to go out after work one night, have a few beers and check out one of there old favorite wolf bands, Great Stale. Now they’re all dead because of it. Them 100 people were all, no doubt, other peoples mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and homies. All dead now because of some fuckin retarded fuckin’ pyro call that was prolly made by some burnt out, old, rock dude drunk off his anus. Man that was just fucked. That shit really hit home when we heard about that. That news damn near knocked the wind outta me. Then when I seen the footage on the news I was fuckin’ in amazement. Them fuckin’ cheap ass sparklers.
I also heard a rumor. I heard that Great White went right back on the road and they’re out finishing their tour right now. I truly, really, seriously find this rumor hard to believe, but if I find out that that’s actually true, I personally will be attending one of them shows… with a sock with a big ass rock in it. And I’m gonna have a long hair wolf wig on, as well as one of Rudy’s size medium (for some reason), Warrant t-shirts, and a pair of tight ass Spandex. Once I get in undetected, and all unsuspicious looking, I will then jump on stage like I’m gonna fuckin’ stage dive or something and swing that sock like a samurai in battle. Knockin' each one of them bitches out cold with a fat chance of brain damage.
Yeah. Enough of that staleness. On the better side of things…
Man, tonight we played Tulsa, Oklahoma. It was the shit. Sold out at 1200 Juggalos. Man, there was a lot of hot little juggalette faces in the crowd tonight. That’s all you could see was their faces because they were all so packed in together. There was a constant mosh pit in the middle of the floor. From up on stage it looked like a whirlpool in the middle of a sea of Juggalos. At one point I stage dive jumped off into the crowd and crowd surfed back so far I almost fell into the whirlpool. But luckily I survived the black hole and made it back to the stage.
Talk about freshness, Rudy is doing his own club night at a place that we used to hang out at back in the day. It’s in Southwest Detroit and it’s the bomb. It’s called the Freer Bar. Last week he had his first night and Esham was there… Jump Steady, Alex and pretty much everybody at Psychopathic was in the house. Along with about a 100 Juggalos who showed up to bump a lil' Psychopathic Records catalog which fills the Jukebox. And shoot a lil' pool. They’re gonna do this each and every fuckin’ Monday night up at the Freer. It’s Juggalo Night officially. I can’t wait until when I get home cause I’mma be up in that bitch eatin’ pizza and watchin’ Raw, too. Shit. That’s the shit to me. It just is a lil' somethin’ Detroit area Juggalos can look forward to every week. Speaking of Juggalos gathering every week…
What do y'all know about what Juggalos are doing out there? Really though. What do y'all know about what’s going on out there? Juggalos are doing shit together and on there own that has never been done in history because there’s never been another crew of people like Juggalos before. Why is it that every time there is an article written about ICP, Twiztid or any Psychopathic groups, the main story to the article is about YOU! The Juggalos. Juggalos are actually writing history because the shit they do, have done and will do is unlike any thing anybody’s ever seen. We don’t only gather at fuckin’ concerts believe it or not.
I can’t lie; I wish I was more plugged into what’s happening out there on the Internets and in the real world but it’s hard because we move so fast. Me and Shaggy always gotta be someplace sometime soon. So, we often miss out on what’s actually happing out there within’ the Juggalo Nation. Man, straight up y'all, some Juggalos GET IT! Man so many fuckin Juggalos actually get the whole thing and what the whole Dark Carnival means and what it can do for us. FUCK THAT, MAN, it’s true that IT WORKED. The 6 Jokers Card saga we started 10 years ago, it actually brought us all together through music. We truly are a Carnival when we get together. But now the music almost just serves as the soundtrack for the Juggalo life style that is growing and becoming a real reality… a real way of life. Fuck ICP… it’s not just about us like that. Or ABK, Twiztid or any one Hatchet group. Juggalos like ICP’s and Hatchet music but Juggalos ain't just a fan base for the groups. It’s about the idea of an army of ninjas that maybe had no place or no crew to be part of until we found each other threw the music. We met at the shows and gatherings and that just started it all. NOW that we have each other… THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS. EACH JUGGALO can take it as far as they want. Some ninjas really, really fuckin’ GET IT.
Man, in Reno, Nevada, you got this crew called the “Reno Rydas.” They are no joke. They got a solid crew of something like 30 plus ninjas that meet up every week. EVERY FUCKIN’ WEEK. They all get together and hang out and do something as one big posse. In one huge Juggalo posse they’ll all go out bowling, or to the movies, a concert, maybe just to the beach, a campfire, a barbecue, play Morton's List, whatever the fuck they want. The point is they get together that deep every week! 30 plus ninjas. They’re known all over Reno. And within their posse, you got a few couples, some best friend duos, all of that.
Then I met the Left Coast Juggalos. Another massive Juggalo hangin’ click. This one Juggalette named Pixie, one of their crew, came in our bus and showed us all a video that the Left Coast Juggalo made for “Juggalo Homies.” Man there was like 50 ninjas all painted up all dancing around whilin’. That video was so fuckin’ off the hook. And in the video, this Juggalette Pixie, she could do Shaggy better than Shaggy. It blew my mind clear outta my ear and right out the bus window. My homie Matt Nipps had to run out there, get my brain, and bring it back in, wash it off and stuff it back in for me.
These crews, they have tactics of how they make their Juggalo posses grow so big. They go to all the local Juggalo shows that come through town and pass out flyers that invite more ninjas to attend there get together. Some juggalo clicks open up there own hotlines using them Ameritech voice mails or whatever and they use them to post the info for all the rest of the crew to all call up during the week and find out when and where its going down that week.
Man, I’m tryna tell ya. Just imagine some stale ass movie theatre and suddenly 37 fuckin’ Juggalos all draped in Hatchet red and black, come mobbin' up in that bitch. That shit is off the cheezy to meezy and that’s the way it should beezy for reezy my Juggaleezys.
For real ass Juggalos, it ain’t only about the Psychopathic Family of music makers, always being there for a Juggalo event to go down. Juggalos gather when they wanna. Fuck yeah. Juggalo is a way of life with unseen love for each other. It’s an unimaginable diamond rain power when all of us peddles come together and form our Juggalo Lotus Familia. Damn. Hell yeah. Read that last shit again.
Ain’t no fuckin real Juggalos lonely anymore. The shit worked. The Carnival brought us together. No REAL Juggalo should be lonely these days if they take advantage of it all… none of them. We now got each other. Think about it like this… no fuckin’ body else out there, no other ninjas got it as GOOD as us: no studs, no richies, no players or ballers, actually see and hang out with 30 plus fuckin homies every week. Nobody has that many homies. This ain’t no fuckin therapy group, or some church religious shit. We straight up gather just to smoke, drink, maybe fuck a lil', and basically do nothing. HOMIE SHIT Y’ALL. Fuck you if you ain’t feelin’ that, I just think it’s fresh as hell.
There are gangs of Juggalos gathering like that and we wanna see that shit. Send in your videos of you and your crew doing your thang and well slap up the best of ‘em on insaneclownposse.com for the rest to see. Whose crew can be the livest. Man who can be the freshest? Everybody’s fresh though so what the fuck.
Man, I can’t believe we’re finally going to Australia in May. That’s in like 2 months. We got so much to do when we get there, shows, in-stores, press, and find tree. What is the smoke situation like in Australia? I hope it’s easy like Sunday morning. It’s gonna be fresh and all but the fuckin’ 17 hour plane ride over there just ain’t even comprehendible. We ain’t never been there before so that’s gonna be the shit though so its worth it. Plus word has it that there are some hellified Juggalos over there waitin’ on us and that’s no lie. Our shit has been sellin’ over there and its just all good. Plus I can’t wait to see if Australian nedens feel and taste the same as American nedens. We’re bringin’ a gang of homies over there with us and its gonna be the shit. I’m just gonna stay awake for a week straight first and then get on the plane and hopefully sleep the rest of the way. Another idea I had was to bring a chick with me on the plane and that way at some point during the 17-hour flight; we could fuck in the bathroom and officially join the Mile High Club. That would be the shit to have actually fucked at 100,000 feet. I know that I’d have to bring a chick that I’m already with to actually pull it off, because every time I just ask a hottie that I met on the plane if she’s down, I usually get slapped or something.
Man, I read my first fresh review of my “Wizard Of The Hood.” My boy Scotty D of Faygo Luvers.net showed up to do his review. It was the shit. I finally got a chance to read it last night at the hotel after the show. DON’T SLEEP ON IT Y’ALL because like he said, it’s the shit. We’re still waitin’ on RealJuggalettes and maybe more folks from Faygoluvers to pop up and wanna check it out with us. We wanna hear everybody’s opinion. Scotty D though, that’s my boy. That ninja gots the Juggalo shine. He was listenin' and payin’ attention. That shows us respect like a motherfucker. I can’t explain it but when you spend about 2 days to make a 3 or 4 minute song like we do… you just naturally feel that when somebody’s listenin' to it, they should at least give it that 3 or 4 minutes attention and check it out when your playing it for them. But so many millions of times we would be playing a brand new song for somebody and in the middle of it they’ll suddenly ask, “When are you guys gonna play Chicago again” or something. That hurts. Me, Shaggy, Esham, Twiztid, we always talk about it. It’s ok once the music is out in stores then it don’t matter. But when your playing some brand new, unreleased shit for somebody, some shit you just spent a grip of time working on, and they don’t even really pay attention to it, that fuckin’ sucks. Nothing like that happens much anymore because we really don’t play shit for people much anymore. Unless we already know they are 100% Juggalo blood like Scotty D and them.
After his review, Scotty went on to explain my answer to a question that he had asked me. How did I lose so much fat ass, so fast? Man I wanna answer that right now again in my exact words because with the exception of my book that’s commin’ out, I never really touched on the fat kid subject. Mostly because I didn’t know that it mattered to ninjas that much. All right. Lets talk about fat.
First off, being a fat kid ain’t stale unless you yourself think it is. If your fat and your cool with that, then fuck the world… straight up and down and sideways twice. If you truly are cool with your own personal fatness, then FUCK everybody else’s opinion about it. You are YOU. You are your own person. You control you like a Video Game. You play your own character so you make yourself exactly how you want to be. So if you like it and it doesn’t bother you, then be FAT and fuck any and everybody that don’t like it. Let me tell you skinny fucks something we fat kids got. It’s called F.K.L. and we got it for each other. That’s right… F.K.L. FAT KID LOVE. I learned all about it during my fattest years. This might be hard for some of you skinny ninjas to believe, but some fat ninjas ain’t got a problem with being fat. I didn’t for years. I mean when I was mad fatter than I am now, I was still rydin' with my homies, getting’ skins, rockin’ shows, and hangin Juggalo’d the fuck out just like I do now, and always have. Some fat kids are gravy with extra gravy and that’s all gravy with me and it should be gravy with you.
But for me, I suddenly hated it. I will always have F.K.L. until my ball hairs are gray, but I just went through a personal change with the coming of the Wraith. It was a magical album for us. It’s a magical time for us. Being fat for me suddenly sucked to me. I felt it made me slower, tired, and sweaty all the time. I felt that it wasn’t truly me, it was years of stress all packed onto my body. So fuck that. I play my guy, and I made him skinnier. That’s all. I wanted to stage dive again without breaking 5 necks and crashing through into the club’s basement with everybody. See I didn’t want to be that fat anymore so then it wasn’t all good. I hated it. And there’s a difference…
If your fat and you don’t really want to be fat… That’s STALE.
Now… if you’re a fat ass TRUE JUGGALO and you don’t really want to be fat, you don’t have to worry anymore. Because the fact is, you don’t have to be fat if you don’t want to.
Now if you are fat and you wanna get skinny, in my very next Weekly Freekly, I will include the COMPLETE JUGGALO INSTRUCTIONS of how to do it. How do I know it will work? Because if it worked for me, than its gotta work for you. Think about it, we’re the same ninja. We find the same shit fresh and stale. Our Juggalo bonds bring us together only because we have so much in common with each other. We're the same breed. So if my fat shedding tactics and techniques worked for me personally, they gotta work for you to. So if you really do wanna get skinny and if you follow my tactics then truly, you will in fact become skinnier. I know it. My technique includes plenty of fun freshness, adventures, and all kinds of freshness juggalo style, so get ready and eat up now, because once my next weekly Freekly drops, that’s it. It’s TIME. NOTHING TO IT BUT TO DO IT.
Lets talk about the Two Live Crew
Me and Shaggy did a song with our homies Anybody Killa and the Two Live Crew at a studio in San Antonio, TX. The song is called “Tour Bus” and it’s just a lil' something we did for these frontin’ ass hoes that be comin’ up on tour buses, KNOWING that the band’s gonna wanna fuck, but still come on and just hang out all night leading them on, and then suddenly say NO. That’s bullshit. If they know what you’re expecting before hand, and still play it off all night, then say no, who's using who? Bitches like that man, I hate ‘em. So, after years of aggression we just decided to do a lil' song about it all. This song of course is only a song and is not to be taken seriously by Juggalettes. We love Juggalettes, especially their nedens and nipples. Don’t think if you come on our bus; we automatically wanna fuck you. We love you whether or not you fuck anybody at all. It ain’t even like that with us. All we need is some brains right quick and we tight. (I’m playin')
None the less, it’s a funny song. And most important it’s just fresh ass fuck for me, Shaggy and Anybody Killa to be actually rapping on a song with the Two Live Crew. And our homie Paris did the track for us. Paris is and has been an idol of ours in this game for years. I fuckin’ can’t wait for his new album to drop called “Sonic Jihad.” It’s gonna stir up all kinds of FBI’s and CIA’s. On his new shit, he ain’t even playin'. There ain’t been an album as hard and real as his new shit in years. Believe me, what little I heard made my balls hide up my ass. It’s goin' down for him big time with his new shit and I cant fuckin wait. He’s also rappin' on a track with Anybody Killa on ABK’s upcoming new shits.
Anyhoot, “Tour Bus” is just a lil' something for you to check out. You know, it’s just a lil' something we all got together and made out here on a day off. It’s free, from us all to you (available for download from insaneclownposse.com soon). And once again chicks don’t get your panties in a bunch over the song. It’s just lyrics bitch. Besides you shouldn’t have panties on anyway, you should be in a thong at least, shit it’s 2003.
Listen to this freshness… I got a stale story for ya.
A couple of weeks ago we were in Orlando Florida to do an autograph signing at this big ass science fiction convention. Shaggy couldn’t go for some reason, so Anybooty Feela went with me instead.
It was all good, I guess. Then I started feeling a little bit stale. Some of the shit Juggalos were getting’ signed wasn’t cool to me. Shit like Bibles I won’t sign because we ain’t got anything to do with that book, other than we might one day read it. But it sure as fuck ain’t for us to autograph. Another thing we hate is signing photos of us with no face paint on. Ninjas pull mad shit off the internet of us paintless, like mug shots, pictures of us chillin’ or mostly takin’ by surprise by Juggahos in hotel parking lots. Let me ask these Juggalos this, why would we wear the paint if we wanted to be signing paintless shit on us? We feel like YOU betrayed us when you download that lame shit. See when the rock band Kiss was around back in 1943, they didn’t have no Internets and shit like that. But today it’s way different. Me and Shaggy these days sometimes feel stupid hiding our faces while running in and out of the venues. What for anymore? Do you know how many times we’ve been standing there in a wrestling mask while signing your photos of us with no paint? What kind of shit is that? So what… you seen us, so fuckin’ what. Now you know why we wear the shit. Because without it, were just 2 regular ninjas chillin’. The Carnivals in town BABY! WE WANNA BE SEEN PAINTED UP so fuck your stupid downloaded pictures, nerdy.
Now, with that finally said, the rest of the signing session was the shit. About 2 hours into it I noticed that the fuckin’ EXORCIST WAS THERE. The bitch from the movie, Linda Blair was sittin' right there signing autographs way across from me! She even had her own line of Exerloos waiting and everything.
I started thinking, “Man, our line of ninjas is 20 times longer and bigger than hers.” I thought, “She prolly thinks we’re mad in effect and all that. Look at how live these Juggalos are… they’re all chanting our songs and shit. Her Exerloos are all just standing there like fried out zombies lookin’ over at us.” Maybe I could actually hit that shit! Imagine being able to say you fucked the Exorcist. I’d tell everybody I met. Everybody would always ask if her head really spins like that, I know they would. Because that’s the first thing I wanted to find out.
I needed to be smooth with my tactics. How could I do this without fuckin’ this chance up? First of all, her Exerloo line was lookin' kinda slim, so I figured I’d better act fast. I needed to get her attention. Me and the Juggalos started to chant shit like “LINDA BLAIRS OVER THERE (WHUT!) LINDA BLAIRS OVER THERE (WHUT!). EXORCIST… IN THIS BITCH! EXORSIST… IN THIS BITCH!” 300 something ninjas all chanting that shit. That bitch was lookin’ over at us like, “What the hell???” Then one Juggalo had a video camera so I told him to film a message from me and then go get in her line to meet her, play that shit for her. He started filming me. I was like, “What up Linda Blair. My names Joe, and ahh, man the Exorcist was the shit. I love that movie man. Anyway boo, I was wondering what’s up after these autographs are done? Like ahhh, you know, so what you got up for the night? Maybe we could talk or something...”
He took it over there and showed it to her slightly aged but super fit and bangin' self. She viewed my pimpin' footage and it was on. Finally we met up back stage. I rushed right up to her with my fresh weed, and tic tac breath, “Sup.” She started telling me that she doesn’t know anything about my music except that it’s violent. And she does not like violent music. I had to quickly explain to her that my name is not Violent J, its actually Violet J… as in a gayish purple color. And the J stands for my real name, which is Julius. She told me that I should tell all the followers of our music about saving some animals and that they should all make some contributions to save the pets and unwanted animals. Well, you guys heard the bitch. DO IT.
I couldn’t help but notice how her two titties looked more like two baseballs covered in vanilla topping. Fake as fuck. Her titties were so big, round, fake and pushed up next to each other that she could prolly hold a baseball bat by the handle with them titties. None the less, I had a horny dick so I was on it still. After I dodged all of her questions about our evil lyrics and bad influence, which by the way, truthfully started to piss me off because after all, look who I was fuckin’ talking too, THE FUCKIN’ EXORSIST. She’s the one that stabbed her neden with a cross screamin' “FUCK ME! Fuck ME!” in the movie. Who the fuck was she talking too? Five Fuckin’ minutes of that movie and the shit that comes outta that bitch’s mouth completely schools any thing me and Shaggy ever said in our entire catalog.
Anyway, I was willing to let all of this slide in order of possibly tappin’ that wicked ass. I know the fuckin’ Exorcist ain’t no Pamela Anderson this time, but I ain’t exactly no fuckin’ Ricky Martin either. Fags.
So I seemed to have past all her screamin', and so then I asked her what her plans were for the night. She was quick to tell me that she’s going to dinner with the events promoters. I don’t know what I was thinking but I know what my dick was, so I quickly asked, “Can I come”. I sounded like a lil' ass hound dog kid. But fuck that, I asked anyway with my head up. They had no choice but to say, “Well………………………………(Long stale pause, so long my face turned red under my paint)……………………… ………………………. I suppose I don’t see why not.”
BLAMMM it was on. I got the directions, the time, the location and all of that. I hugged Linda Blair (minus the ass grab, it wouldn’t have been appropriate yet) and said I’ll see you there.
Back at the hotel after the autographs and showers and all that I was getting ready in my finest duds for my date with the Devil Herself. I can’t front; I took off my hatchet charm and put on my Lotus cross, just in case she starts actin’ a fool on me or something. I was ready. On my way out the door, who do I bump into of all people? The very ninja I was just talkin’ about a few weeks ago on a Weekly Freekly. Steve O from Jackass and his own hit videos and tours. In fact that’s what he was doing in Orlando, he had a show there at the House of Blues that night. Right away he smelt the tree on me and asked if we had some more. We went up to my room and smoked out with his ass for about a half-hour. By now I was mad late for my dinner with The Exorcist, so I had to bounce. I explained to Steve O who was cool as fuck by the way, that I had a hot date with death and was out.
I had on my best clothes y'all. A big baggy ass, Cliff Huxtable sweater and all that nice lookin’ shit. I took at cab to the location. It was some super fancy fuckin’ steak house located inside of some casino. So what? I hopped outta the cab and headed right the fuck in. I got to the restaurant, went up to the bell doorman, fag guy, and told him I was there. He said, “Follow me Sir…” and took me around the corner and to the back where she was sitting. DAMN. Like Arabian Prince once said, “She got a big posse” (Old school rap fans might get it). Man, it looked like there had to be at least 15 ninjas with her all eating at this one big ass table. I jumped back and hid behind a pole. I looked and there was Linda Blair. And there wasn’t NAN seat next to her open. The only open seat was all the way across and down the table next to two fuckin businessmen and an old lady. I was like “Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn, fuck this,” and I cut out. They never even knew I ever showed up. There just wasn’t no way I was gonna go and sit down with all them fuckin’ convention promoters and agents and bullshit like that and plus not even get to holler at The Exorcist! Fuck that. Suddenly the “Nature Bitch” Linda Flair didn’t seem that special. I was out and headed straight back to the telly. Me and ABK then went and spent the whole night with Steve O and his gang. It was so much fun it was crazy watching his funny ass show. They were the shit. We filmed all kinds of shit for his DVD releases, who knows if he plans on using any of it. We was paintless too! (I might add, for all you downloaders).
That whole day was the shit even though I never got to make Linda Blair's titties spin like her head does in the movie. One day I’ll fuck one of these celebrities and you ninjas will be the first to know about it. Believe that.
And lastly I wanted to talk about my homies Zug Izland and the making of their album “Cracked Tiles.” Now, I know some Juggalos might not really like rock and roll shit and are all about Acid Wicked Shit Rap. Understandable. Acid Wicked Shit Rap is unfuckwidable. But me personally, I fuckin love all music. I wish I could see music take form for just one second just so I could jump on it and hump it right quick. I love music that much. All music is so fuckin’ fresh to me, it’s overwhelming. You can’t see it, you can’t touch it, smell it, taste it, all you can do is hear it and feel it. Yet it makes you laugh, cry, smile, slam dance, fuck, party, bootie shake, two step, and even reminisce, and it can even inspire too. It will relax you, or get you hype, whatever you need it to do. Music is GOD’S GIFT to us. It’s magic bitch, flat out. It’s here strictly for us to enjoy and that’s it. It's magic. It was MAN that turned it all into a fuckin corporate business. Like MTV and RADIO SHIT. But fuck that, I see music for what it really is, just music. All music. Rock and fuckin Roll too, bitch. I fuckin’ love it all. I respect it all. It rains diamonds when the music is right.
Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that Zug Izland's “Cracked Tiles” is something that I personally am very proud of because I wrote all the songs. Mike P wrote the music along with the whole band, but I constructed the album. I wrote the songs, the stories, the themes, and everything. AND IT’S ROCK TOO! But it sounds like rap kind of. Fuck it’s just the shit y'all.
It actually all started when I had some free time before the 6th was to start being recorded. Me and Mike P discussed it and I decided that we were going to do a rock and roll side project. We began recording it. I was writing rock and roll songs every night. Surprisingly as fuck, the songs were the atom bomb and I loved that shit. I felt like Johnny Socko’s Flying Robot when I was signin’ them songs. It just felt good doing something so different and so new to me. Even Joey and Rudy were on that bitch singin’ backups. And it was actually sounding fresh as hell. BUT, we decided after an internet poll we held on our web site had revealed that most Juggalos ain’t really tryna hear a rock and roll album from Violent J, even if its called Joe Bruce’s stupid side Project.
TIME OUT: And by the way, that fuckin’ sucked to hear. I still don’t get it. Ain’t anybody ever heard of just taking the Pass Option on something you don’t want?
People that don’t like something can always take what Alex my manager refers to as “The Pass Option.” You see, we're very familiar with that term here in ICP. We’ve had people take the pass option on us more times than a green light. See, back in the day when we were searching the globe for a record deal to put out our shit nationwide, we heard that term all the time. On more than a few occasions, these record labels would let us know the bad news, something like this:
PSYCHOPATHIC’S RUDY (OR WHO EVER ANSWERED THE PHONE
IN ALEX’S MOMS BASEMENT): “Hello, Psychopathic Records, how may
I direct your call?”
RECORD LABEL SNAKE: “Yes, Alex Abbiss please…”
RUDY: “Who may I ask is calling?”
RECORD LABEL SNAKE: “Yeah, this is Bud Phugger and I’m from Sony
Records A&R department...”
RUDY: “Ok please hold” (Cups the phone with his palm) “ALEX!!!
IT’S FUCKIN’ THEM!!! GET IN HERE!”
ALEX: “Hello this is Alex…”
RECORD LABEL SNAKE: “Yes I’m calling in regards to your group
the Insane Clown People... and...”
ALEX: “It’s Posse”
RECORD LABEL SNAKE: “Excuse me?”
ALEX: “It’s Posse. They’re called The Insane Clown Posse”
RECORD LABEL SNAKE: “Yes I know, that’s what I said. Anyway,
me and the rest of the department here at Sony have reviewed your packages
and we all agree to take the same option…”
ALEX: “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”
RECORD LABEL SNAKE: “We’ve decided to take the “Pass Option”
on Insane Clown People.”
We heard it all to many times… “The Pass Option.” If you only knew how many times chicks have taken “The Pass Option” on this dick… It’s crazy even thinking about it. Sometimes I fuckin’ wish haters would just take THE PASS OPTION on us instead of hating on us.
But time, life and destiny all work in mysterious ways because that’s how Zug Izland was born. About half way through the project, we incorporated Syn as the bands lead vocalist and we wrote myself out of the picture. Syn added his own magic and flavor and it was all gravy like turkey day. After it was all said and done, we got to launch 5 more careers here at Psychopathic and we feel like super ninjas because so many people put so much love into that record. I feel like I’ve schooled it because I wrote a rock record that believe it or not is actually fuckin fresh as fuck. But yo, that album is a masterpiece because we went on to work as a team and make a straight up bomb ass album. We knew that many Juggalos wouldn’t give Zug Izland a shot because they’re a rock band and all, but we also knew that more would than wouldn’t.
And that’s exactly how it all played out. When that album was finished none of us knew what to do. It was so good we didn’t know what to do except slap each others asses, (I sat that part out). We finally figured that we’d put it out and let Zug Izland get out on the road and prove themselves. We decided not to push it all in Juggalos faces and try to make them be down with it. That’s exactly what we did. Right now Zug Island is out on tour with Kings X, and I ask you this… truthfully, who the fuck is Kings X? I ain’t never fuckin’ heard of them! Anyway, I don’t know why I’m dissin' Kings X, all I’m saying is Zug is the shit. They’re out there doing it, tryna prove themselves as a band and there schoooooooooooooooolin’ it. They’re the shit y'all.
Well fuck that, I’m pushing Zug Izland's record up in your face and up your ass because YOU NEED TO CHECK THAT BAD BOY ALBUM OUT. I’m tellin’ you it’s the shit. Trust me, I wrote the songs, Mike P hooked up the music, its all there y'all. Shaggy's all over that bitch. ABK, Blaze, Madrox is on that Byatch; it’s the shizzno juggalizzno. It’s out right now. Buy it, steal it, fuckin download it, get with it. Man I don’t give a fuck what you listen to; it’s a great album for Juggalos period.
Man, I’m through babbling. It took me two nights to write this bitch and that’s no easy task when your getting your dick sucked and your butt hole licked at the same time by two groupies. But I still pulled it off. I was kind of an asshole on this one I know, but that’s just because your drawers are 3 sizes too small. I wanna say what’s up to my life long super homie, a ninja I’ll always love, Nate the Mac who I talked to today and he told me that he reads my Weekly Freeklies. That’s the shit. Nate’s the shit. He’s comin’ to the New York/New Jersey shows of the tour. Speaking of New York, much love to Corey and that shine, I can see it from here. Much love to all the JCW wrestlers that we’ll be seeing in Columbus, Ohio for the big JCW taping show MARCH 19th at the Newport. (Oh yeah, make sure and show PsychoPatrick much love during his match against Lenny Lane at the show if your going. He’s been training hard. In fact he’s training right now. He’s training his fingers by pressing the remote and watching Lonesome Dove.)
By the way, me and Shaggy don’t have a clue how the fuck were gonna pull that one off. We got a match against two scrub jobbers who call themselves Kid Cock and Feminem. Should be interesting if anything. The only problem for us is Shaggy’s neck is broken in half. It’s so bad that we gotta brace his head up still by using two pairs of numb chucks and a roll of duck tape. My left wrist is so broken up and fucked from this tour that it’s just hangin on by one vein… and I use that vein to shoot my heroin into. Man I gotta go to bed or something. It’s so late I don’t even make sense any more.
REST IN SHANGRALA, Rhode Island victims
Until next week, I’m OUT like the Diamond Rain… OUTTA CONTROL. YEAH. THE DIAMOND RAIN, FEEL IT IF YOU CAN, BUT IF NOT, YOU CAN’T STEAL IT MAN
Violent J live from The Shangri La Tour.
Shaggy, Patrick, Anybody Killa, and Matt Nipps says hey y'all.
BY THE WAY THE SHAGGY SHOW IS COMING ANY DAY NOW I SWEAR TO YOU, ALSO CHECK OUT RUDY BACK ON THE ORIGIONAL ICP HOTLINE IT”S BACK YALL! (714) 647-2465
OH YEAH, CHECK OUT CRACKED MAGIZINE RIGHT NOW... WE'RE ON THE COVER! KIND OF! ALSO I’M GONNA START MY OWN SECTION IN CRACKED CALLED “Violent J’s Cracked Music Reviews”
