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Violent J's Weekly Freekly — 2003, November, 25th |
THE EUROPEAN BEATIN’ So anyway, we were in this lil’ house club, and I was tryna spit game to this Dutch lil’ hottie, and this half-gay ninja just slid his skinny ass right into the 1 foot space in between me and the chick! He started talkin’ to me, “Sdrae jdsh pefh?” (In some other language). Like the girl I’m kickin’ it with wasn’t even there, like she was just a pillar holding up the roof or something. I kindly pushed him outta our space with my arm like, “Hey brother, slide your lil’ frail ass back on outta our space homie.” This next part really don’t make no sense at all… I go downstairs to piss and he follows me down the steps and tries to join me in the little-ass, one-man bathroom. I shoved him out like, “Fuck outta here!!!” and slammed the door. As I’m pissin’ I’m thinkin' about it, and getting more and more pissed so I come back outta the bathroom and there he was, sittin' on the steps waitin' on me. What the fuck?? That was it, I had to sock his face up a few times. Ry-Ry seen me and pulled me off ‘em, but I got some solid-ass cracks in on his face. That was fresh. I needed to vent, badly. I don’t know what the deal was. I don’t know if he was a confused, a drunk homo, or what, but fuck that. I had to serve him up a 2 piece and a biscuit. That was pretty much the only drama we had on the whole tour, though. ABK NO SHOWS… I didn’t really wanna finish the tour and come home,
because I ain’t got much going on at home these days. So I stayed out
here in Europe, and all the rest went home. I’m in Bedford, England
to be exact. What the hell am I doing chillin’ alone in Bedford England
you ask? I’m watching the fresh ass, unbelievable start of Psychopathic
Europe. WE’RE DOING IT AGAIN, YALL… Their names are: fresh Young PeTer (Pronounced with a heavy “T”, British-style, of course), an Internet Ninja named Steve (who has long hair of splendor), and a ninja named Paul who raps too somehow. His rap name is A.T.F. Which stands for Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. The three things he likes, I guess. He was Jumpsteady's hype man at the London show that I was talkin' about. See? JUMPSTEADY RACKING UP LIFE ADVENTURES… It’s been in the works for 2 years or so now, and it’s now up and official. I had to come and see it getting started myself. I’m staying for a week or so. Its website and webstore officially kick off December 1st. It’s hotline kicks off December 1st, and is hosted by Young PeTer himself, (pronounced British-style). They got all the warehouse steady fillin’ up every day, more and more, with all kinds of New European-style Psychopathic Records gear that’s comin’ out. The new Euro shit is called StrangleWear, which is fresh as fuckin’ fuck. Plus, all the ninjas in Europe are gonna be able to cop all the American shit mad easy now as well, through the new store over here. And it ain’t gonna be this “ICP comes around Europe once every 5 fuckin’ years” bullshit anymore, we’re here steadily now, byatch. Everybody from the Hatchet Fam is headed over here (remember, I’m typing this from Bedford, England, in the very office of freshness). We plan for the whole Hatchet Fam to have all toured Europe within the next year or so. And having done in-stores and all that fresh shit. Especially Anybody Killa. He’ll have been here 19 times. He’s gonna do a tour in fuckin’ Uganda if I get shit my way. That bastard. THE LOCALS HERE IN BEDFORD… I don’t really know what’s happening anymore; I just know that we’re the shit. Fuck, man. Alex and them are the shit man; Brian and Rob and them. They’re building this shit from scratch. I’m talking from scratch. They’re painting walls and building shelves until the late night like everyday over here. And it’s all almost complete. It’s steadily getting doper and doper. I even heard Rob on the phone with the winners of a contest held at this year’s Gathering where the prize was Winner gets a free Trip to Psychopathic Records Europe. Rob was arranging the trip with the winners; that’s how official shit is around here. GETTING USED TO LIFE. THE QUEENS WAY… All this craziness is a lil’ hard to swallow at once for me. It’s better for me to get used to everything in intervals. Last night I almost had to slap this dude’s head with a beer bottle. I’m sittin’ there at a table in this “pub” as it’s called over here, and this dude suddenly slides in right next to me and says “'ello mate? You’re the rap star geazer, are ya?”, and then straight up attempted to twist my fuckin’ nipple piece. I ain’t even playin’; all within’ 3 seconds time. The ninja was just gonna casually give my pepperoni a lil’ turn. My ninja reflexes quickly batted his hand off me, and rose a bottle with my other, steady ready to rack it off his forehead. “What the fuck you doing man??” I screamed, “You tryna die, man? I’m about to bust your fuckin’ head!!” He started trippin’ on me and he was like, “No, no, please, that’s just a way we say hello here in England.” Don’t believe the hype though, because that ain’t how they do things here. Because the 3 new Psychopathic Soldiers we hired, all from England themselves, deny those allegations. ROUND UP… As for us, our very next future plans are to work
shit out with Canada and take whatever steps we need to in order
to get over there and tour. We’re gonna do whatever it takes to make
it happen. And then we’ll really be officially official.
AND BY THE WAY, THE BUSH KILLA IS BACK… TAKE ME HOME… Maybe me and Shaggy Balls will join TNA-NWA Wrestling every Wednesday night from Nashville, and help an old friend and a new friend beat some ass, maybe… Wrestling fans you know what I mean… Yeah, it’s gonna be fun as hell back home, too. We gotta keep shinin’. Plus, I miss the fuck outta my 3 Dogs. It’s been a long lil’ minute for us out here and it’s time for me to head back. For now, I’m Violent J and I’m signing off from the fuckin’ land of the Queen: Bedford, England. I’m out like Eminem’s secret Racism tape. Peace. Violent J |