Man, the Detroit Pistols beat the LA Licker’s asses up and down the court and dunked on there faces. The murderous streets of the D turned into a giant, insane party of happiness. Cars got flipped over in celebration, fires got started in joy, alarms and sirens and shots went off all night long. It was fuckin’ fresh as fuckin’ fuck. We weren’t in Detroit at the time they won the final game, but I’ve seen it all go down before when the Red Wings won. Our manager Alex though, he was at the game when they won it all! He was there somehow to see it live. That’s is one lucky ninja.
I won’t lie. Me and Shaggy ain’t really into sports much, but Monox Boogie and Blaze got us watching and following the Pistons out on the Lotus tour. They would watch every game and get so into them that we couldn’t help but wanna be down too. We’re bandwagon fans I guess, but even so, it’s still fresh that they won. Big Shaq looked like a big, dumb, doofy when they lost too. But so what, because LA wins it every year. Give it to a Midwest team once in a fuckin’ while, that’s what the fuck I’m talking about.
Here it goes. The Dark Lotus Tour was fresh as fuck until its suddenly stale ass ending. The last night of the tour was fuckin’ especially crazy. It was a Psychopathic Rydas show in Spokane Washington. 1200 ninjas all packed in there to see the Rydas.
You see, let me explain something to your retinas. When you have 8 ninjas all riding and living together in one tour bus, if even one of them ninjas gets sick, they all get sick. Well, we all got sick and we all spread it to each other right off the bat.
Within 4 weeks on the road, we had 8 different colds and flu’s each. Nonetheless, we continued on tour. We continued on until it was damn near impossible. Ninjas were throwin’ up both outta their mouths and butts. Damn. Ninjas was sick with it. All the millions of tours we’ve been out on, and we’ve been sick before, but nothing ever went down like this. But I guess the timing was just right for it though. That springtime weather had it 30 degrees in one city, the next morning it would be 85 degrees in that town. Everyday the weather would change drastically and ninja’s immune systems finally started breaking down. Ninjas started dying in the bus. Shaggy died three times and luckily we were able to revive him just before they shut the pearly gates on him. Jamie died once, Paul died two times, Killa died two times, and Blaze remained dead the whole tour, but somehow came back to life only to throw up and get sick 4 more times. But me, I was the worst off one. I sounded like I had a boot caught in my throat the whole 2nd half of the tour. I sounded like Darth Vader tryna rap. It was fucked up.
But besides that staleness, what a bomb ass tour though. It was packed every night full of Juggalos. The die hardest of Juggalos too. Some ninjas followed the whole fuckin’ entire tour which really peeled my dome back like a can of Pringles.
My personal favorite part of the entire tour was without a doubt, watching them Psychopathic Rydas shows. Just watching those ninjas do their thing trips me the fuck out. Man the fuckin’ Rydas ain’t no hoes flat out. I don’t know how they do it.
We got to hang out with them and see their world first hand and I’m tryna tell y’all... them fools are DANGEROUS to hang out with. Even for just an hour or so. They look at every aspect in life through thug lenses. I myself got punched in the face three times just for talking outta place the first night I met them. You just gotta understand how they are. They’re just like that, they punch people and shoot ninjas daily.
For the fuckin’ Psychopathic Rydas, it’s 24 hours a day thuggin’. They thug at Denny’s for breakfast. They eat, rob the place, shoot it up, and peel the fuck outta there. Then they carjack fools from noon until about 3pm. Then they buy, sell and trade kilos of cocaine and weapons at various Mafia ports until about 7pm. Then they fuckin’ shoot up a fuckin’ pizza joint or hamburger stand or whatever’s around just to eat again. After all that, they straight up spend the rest of the night shooting up houses, killing off their enemies and gorilla pimpin’ hoes. It’s fuckin’ fresh to ride along with them and take it all in.
Truth is, all of us in Dark Lotus are extremely sorry about the tour’s last seven shows being cancelled. But we still see The Dark Lotus "Black Rain Tour" as a great tour that went down. I’m saying we had some super fresh ass shows all over this bitch. We were 80% done with the tour! We’re extra sorry to Seattle. For real, Seattle Juggalos have had 2 big shows in a row cancelled on them now. That’s extra bullshit. We’re very sorry that we suck so bad sometimes. It will be made up somehow. We truly very sincerely are sorry.
We’re trying to plan a mini tour to make up those dates... Maybe a Pre Hell’s Peezy tour just for them cities with extra cheap tickets or something. Yeah. That shit sounds fresh.
It rained and rained in Detroit the whole time we were gone out on tour. It was the shit when I first came home that day because my house didn’t look anything like it did when we left. See, when we left it was early April, and "April showers bring May flowers" as the fags say, and they must be right. Because my shit was green and overgrown to the fullest. My house looked like a giant overgrown bush. Surrounded by a wall of bushes and trees and everything all fully grown. There was monkeys swingin’ around above me and shit. It tripped me out.
I could see the neighbors’ houses from mine when we left on tour. Now I live in a jungle cave alone. All that fuckin’ rain that I missed, has still affected me. For now... while at home in my nature cave, I wish to be only known as "Jungle Boy Man".
One day a couple weeks back, while chillin’ at home, the Kottonmouth Kings came through town on tour. They had a big, sold out show at Clutch Cargo in Pontiac. Me and Shaggy secretly hooked up with the Kings in advance and during their show, right about 30 minutes into it, we suddenly jumped out on stage and did the song "Chicken Huntin" with them. There was mad Juggalos and that place exploded. We couldn’t even barely hear the music, the crowd was so loud. It was magic up there. I fuckin’ love doing shit like that with the Kings cause they always are so fuckin’ live up on stage, and they make me wanna get live. Plus they always got that crazy vaporizer thing, they smoke in their bus. Every one of them guys is the shit, mad cool.
The freshest part was somehow that my mom was at that show! Well actually she was dropping off my nieces out front of the venue. They were arriving late and my mom was just dropping them off when she suddenly heard Chicken Huntin bumpin’ from inside and was like "what the fuck?" I guess that’s a funny place to bump into my mom, at a Kottonmouth Kings show. But you know, my mom is just fresh like that.
Our homies the 2 Live Crew also came through town and did a show in Detroit the other day. Them, me and Shaggy, Esham, Lavel and Breed all went out together and hit the streets of the D. We went to tittie bar after shitty tittie bar all night long. The next day we hit the Lotus Pod Studio, hit the weed and then we all hit the mic. We did a couple of songs for 2 Live Crew’s next LP. Much love to the China Man, Fish N Grits and my super homie Big Ed. They always bring good karma when they come around. I wanted to just jump in their bus and ride off with them on tour and just get crunk every night for a few weeks, but me and Shaggy had something hot in the oven... so to speak...
Holy fuck man. It’s over with. It’s all going down. Hells Pit. Bitchy ass bitch. Let the fire fall. It’s gonna make everybody hate us and some crazy kid’s gonna probably shoot us. Something stale better not happen y’all. It’s just a record. A wicked ass record. Don’t let it crack your craniums to pieces. But fuck a sales pitch. I hope none of y’all buy it. Fuck it. I hope it flops like a wet tittie. It don’t matter anyway. The fact will still remain the same no matter what the shit sells... Just know this fact and know this fact goooood. Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J, The Insane Clown Posse has made the greatest "Horror Rap" album of our lives and yours. The scariest and the darkest and most creative shit to ever drop with the realm of "The Wicked Shit". It’s gonna hit the earth like a giant meteor shower when it drops. And fuck you if you hate us for it, because WE KNOW WHO WE ARE! WE’RE ICP BITCH. OLD SCHOOL STYLE. WE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WE’RE SUPPOSED TO DO AND THAT’S DELIVER THAT SOUTHWEST DELRAY, OLD SCHOOL, NEW SCHOOL, WIK-WIK-WIK-WICKED SHIT.
Well y’all, it ain’t all sunny, shiny, and happy in HELL. Just be ready for it to box your eardrums when you put it on. Just listening to it will make you feel like some ninja gots your head in the leg scissors. WICKED SHIT projected on the walls all around you.
See, this is the fuckin’ unfortunate real deal. Juggalo love is great, but some people still FUCKIN’ HURT even with Juggalo love, SOME PEOPLE’S LIVES STILL FUCKIN’ SUCK MAN. THEIR LIVES JUST FUCKIN’ SUCK. AND IT AINT FAIR, AND THEY’RE FUCKIN’ PISSED OFF ABOUT IT. RIGHTFULLY! THEY NEED TO HEAR THE WICKED SHIT. WICKED SHIT IS Comin’, WICKED SHIT IS Comin’, (I wish y’all could hear how I’m singin’ this at ya) BECAUSE THIS AIN’T NO FUK N JOKE. The WICKED SHIT is THERAPY for many of us. THE PIT IS DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPLY Wicked, ya little young ass bitch.
